Gay Newry

Ok so being gay in Newry is probably not the best place for me to start from so I won’t. I do remember as far back as being 4 or 5 years old and being different to most of those around me. there were many reasons for this but being gay wasn’t one of them. politics, economic and social depravation, and class, all had a bearing on myself being different.

as i moved into school years i found that i couldn’t allow myself to partake of physical education because i was embarrassed to change my clothing in front of other pupils. the result of this, coupled with the other influences at that time, allowed for me to become generally disruptive (or a junior delinquent) and so the result was to miss school and get myself into all types of bother. rebellion was the order of the day, hence my difference. myself esteem was beginning to hurt but i could not articulate what was happening to me at all.

over the years, nothing changed excepting of course, a heightening of an awareness to my being gay within myself, and by god, i fought against it. thoughts such as what would people think etc flooded my mind. i also took on board thoughts of others who were homophobic and due to this, i felt that being gay was somehow equated to being dirty, murky, sordid etc and so i continued to cover up my gayness through my rebellious nature and many journeys through police cells and prison life, not too mention my many running away trips to other countries and counties. i even went as far as to study theology in order to find some type of moral justification for my mind set of hiding my gayness.

i journeyed through life as a kind of zomby only to find that i could also hide in drink, drugs and even in marriage to a str8 girl. callously i took a prisoner and conformed to the norms of str8 society and when things began to encourage in me they became fatalistic and damaging to all around me. a life of hiding my sexuality caused mayhem and despair and as someone else said before me, i wouldn’t wish this type of life for anyone or on anyone.

i came out in Newry a couple of years ago through some very good str8 friends of mine who seen the madness in me and helped me to overcome some of the difficulties that i was experiencing at that time. i then went to my family, and extended family and apoligised for all the hurt i caused them over the years and told them of my being gay. the reception was absolutely fantastic and certainly unexpected. i prepared for the worst scenario in my head and i got the best that they could offer, and that was their acceptance of my being an individual with an alternative sexuality. i said to one of my friends that “hey you know what (name)i’m gay”. his response showed me the pathetic-ness of what i had just said and indeed the readiness of some str8 people to accept gay people in Newry, he said “shush (name)but don’t tell anyone, but i’m straight”. what a response eh.

from then onwards i moved quickly onto the gay scene and into the hubbub of Newry’s alternative community and found myself meeting people who are genuine, complete and helpful in my development as a person in my own right, and also as a gay male within the community at large. i have got into a relationship and continue to work within the alternative sphere of life through the N.R.C. and others. i find that anything that is there for to help our community must be tapped into and utilised for the benefit of our section of the newry towns-peoples. i feel i must support at whatever level, the gay community in newry quite simply because i am gay. i do not wish to sit on a fence any longer nor would i allow myself to retreat into the closet just so as str8 people wouldn’t have to face issues surrounding my sexuality. no way hosey! i’m out and staying out, because as i look over my life, i can see how damaging i was to myself and those around me because i hadn’t the cop on to come out and be myself. i don’t need other’s identities nor do i need to conform for the sake of a peaceful life (sic) but what i need is the help, support, and encouragement of others of like mind for to continue on as a productive member of society, albeit in my capacity of being gay.

i definitely would not wish my past on anyone, but if anything here has being helpful to someone else then my purpose for my story has been achieved. do not stay too long hiding, running, conforming etc, it is damaging to health, both physically and mentally and has the potential to keep you a prisoner or worse, it may allow you to take prisoners. so please, please, allow yourself to be you and join in your community through the various groups and activities that take place through it. Aqueeriam needs support at this time, maybe this is a means for you to help while at the same time develop yourself. i don’t know but hey i know where i have been and what i have been party to, do not let yourself go down a road like mine. you have the key to unlocking the prison that imprisons us all in today’s society, use it to open the doors of hearts and minds to our needs as gay people in this city.

so that’s a short synopsis of my story, it didn’t begin with a knowledge of my being gay, but i can tell you it certainly ends with a much more fuller knowledge of where i have come from and where i am at and where i want to go to. i only hope this was and is of benefit to someone out there. thanks for taking the opportunity to read this, maybe you can say something yourself that might help me in my development as a person gay in newry?

D McShane, NRC